History of the Beard: Part 1.1 God's Version

And on the Seventh day God said let there be beards and so there was. The Dogs had beards, the birds had beards, the horses had beards, the turtles had beards, the fish had beards, the elephants had beards... all the animals had beards (except for dinosuars who didn't exist). And God smiled and thought about how great everything was. Then Adam said to God. Golly I'd sure like a beard God. And God laughed and said "Thou Shalt not Grow a Beard. If Thou dost groweth a beard I will be quite upset." So Adam and Eve went about life content and Beardless. Then one day a slippery bearded snake came to Adam and said "would you like to grow a beard motha fucka!?!?!?" And Adam responded "Shucks, I sure do". So Adam followed the bearded snake to a tree where the snake gave Adam Hormone pills filled with testosterone. Soon Adam had a great big bushy beard. When Adam showed Eve she was so impressed that she couldn't help preform sexual acts for Adam. Soon God got word of this evil transgression and decided to punish Adam and Eve by stripping all the animals of there beards making man the only creature to be bearded. God thought this would humiliate man. But upon seeing Adams bearded face he was truely inspired and decided to grow one of his own. Eventually God apologized to Adam for being so angry and said that Adam was right all along and that just because he was God doesn't mean that he's always right. And for the rest of Adam's life they got along really well. Go BEARDS!