When we think about the ancient era a few people come instantly to mind. Plato, Socraties, Alexander the Great, and Aristotle. Three of these men (Plato, Socraties, and Aristotle) had one thing in common. Big, Beautiful, Flowing, Beards! And some good ideas too. But mostly BEARDS! However, Alexander the Great, who was taught by the fully bearded Aristotle, neglected to grow a beard. Many people consider Alexander the Great to be just as his title proclaims fucking Great. After all he was the first Greek (technically Macadonian) to invade and Conqueor Persia, and then pushed on and on and on and on till he ended up in India. He never lost a battle, ever (only general in history to do so). But the man died at age 36, most likely from poison. Quite young even for the Ancient times. Meanwhile Plato, Socraties, and Aristotle lived be very old and very very wise. What could possibly be the explanation for this incongruency in longevity. Simply put, the power of the beard. These great wise men new that beards would not only collect wisdom and channel it directly into the temples via the sideburns, but also would add many valuable years to their lives. Beards help collect energy and nutrients from the sun and the air but more importantly in the case of Alexander the Great a beard can work as a poison filter. You'll notice that Socraties, Plato, and Airistotle did not die of poison proof of the beards depoisoning powers. Go BEARDS!!!
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