History of the Beard: Part VII Colonial Age

Ah, The Colonial age. This age was yet another glorious era of Beardage. And perhaps the most famous of them all was John Smith. Many of us will remember John Smith as a dashing chap that stole the heart of the young and beautiful Pocahontas in the Disney classic Pocahontas. Unfortunately for the masses of us Disney fans the illustrators got it wrong wrong wrong. John Smith (as you can see on the left) adorned a brilliant beard. As for Disney's version, well lets just say its no wonder their John Smith got wounded and had to leave (notice there version on the right: see anything different?). But that's Hollywood and they seldom get anything right. Lets deal with the real John Smith. He was the only person with the beard and the skills capable of handling the first city (Jamestown) in the new world. It is a historical fact that John Smith was the first person to sport a full beard while living in the Western Hemisphere. This was no small feat. It is commonly known that Native Americans were highly susceptible to European diseases. However, what is less known is that there was a Native disease that plagued many of the early colonists. This plague was known as "the common facial folical erradicatus". For reasons still unknown to historians and scientists the Native Americans never developed an immunity to this disease (which is why they were all beardless). Unfortunately for many colonists this disease ran rampant over their beards claiming their noble facial follicles. This lack of beards on the part of the colonists is why so many other colonies like Roanoke failed. A lack of beardage leveled the playing field between Indians and colonists. John Smith's superb beard growing ability allowed his colony to survive. Eventually Europeans (many of whom were from John Smiths Linage) developed immunity to this disease which I am proud to say has gone completely extinct. For sure there were many other notable beards during this era; however, John Smith is the true beginning of the beard in the Americas. Go BEARDS!