History of the Beard: Part V The Middle Ages

I know what you're thinking: didn't we already do this? In short, no. The dark ages (400-1100) and the Middle ages are two different ages (1100-1600). As the darkness gave way to the middleness the role and style of the beard changed. As we saw the role of the beard in the dark ages was kicking barbarian and roman ass. The style was big bushy and glorious. However, in the middle ages many unwise individuals stopped sporting the bearded look. This new fad was most popular amongst royalty. However, the true geniuses of the time were all bearded. Leonardo Da Vinci has been remembered throughout the ages as one of the smartest men to ever live. Not only was his genius realized in art but also in his inventions and his contributions to science. Da Vinci's beard was long and flowing (much like God's Beard). The elegance of his flowing mane not only made him appear wise but also made him litterally wiser. It is common for a man to stroke his beard when he ponders things (this act was also invented by Da Vinci). The stroking of a beard, especially the chin hairs, causes a build up a static electricity when a sufficient charge is built the electricity is released up the beard and directly into the brain. This electrical discharge jolts the brain full of energy and allows it to more effieciently complete thoughts (this is where the term "sparking an idea" derives). Because of the soft texture and flowingness of Da Vinci's beard a much bigger static charge was able to form and thus his sparks were more powerful and triggered greater ideas. His beard was useful in other ways as well. For example Da Vinci was able to use his beard hairs as paint brush bristles. As Da Vinci would learn beards make superb painting instruments. There were other bearded greats such as Michelangelo, and King Henry the VIII who's bearded wisdom gave us Divorce and Protestantism (sort of). So eventhough the Middle ages was a less beard friendly era than the Dark Ages there were still many great bearded men. Go BEARDS!